"You know what Aasha, you don't love him, in fact you want intimacy, that passion in your love life which you had with Deepak" Mitali said, trying to convey me.
"That's not true!!" I exclaimed
"Who else knows you better than I ?" Mitali frowned
"Well..."
"Do you really think I don't love him?" I asked
"Of course, you dont buddy ! It's nothing but only the post break up phase you are going through"
"Anybody can tell looking at your face that you feel dejected, that you want someone."
"Because you were used to talking to only that significant other. You shared every little detail with him.Your identity was solely connected with him and now everything's gone so you are not able to cope up, that's it !" Mitali said
"But Mitali, even if you are right, why do I feel so much attached with him? If I desperately wanted somebody I would have either patch up with Deepak or already find someone else!" I exclaimed
"That's not true at all. Come on, don't fool me, I know you very well Aasha! We have been friends since 8th grade and I know that if you ever felt anything for Shaurya, you would have told me."
"The matter of fact is that you are not used to being single."
"I remember since class 10th you began dating and till now you have had 4 boyfriends. Every time it was only you who broke up but this time when everything looked good, I don't know for what reason Deepak broke up. It was not expected from his side because he was the one who was dying to be in a relationship with you." Mitali gasped
"It's not my fault if things didn't go well, Mitali. Ya, I would admit that I have committed many mistakes in my previous relationships but that's how we learn right?" I asked
"Hmm...we do" Mitali mumbled
"Aasha, don't get mad at me but except Deepak your past sweethearts are still fiercely angry at you."
"If that is the case, I really don't care" I mocked
"Well, that's your opinion! What I want to say is that the other day after we met, I crossed paths with Arun, your first boyfriend and while we were talking suddenly the topic got diverted towards you and he told me something.." She paused
"What?" I asked, feeling excited
"He said that Aasha is not a bad girl but she complains for things that never exist. He even continued saying that although he is in a serious relationship with Nidhi but still sometimes out of the blue, he remembers few memories of you as you were his first love." Mitali continued.
"I think Mitali, I deserve all this sorrow in my life. Had I not broken his heart, I wouldn't have gone through all this pain. I know what I did with him was wrong but I never had the slightest intention of breaking his heart." I said
"He has already forgiven you, he said that it's not your fault if you fell out of love"
"It's only that he still couldn't forget you." Mitali said
"This hurts me a lot. Look at my fate! My karma finally gave me my fruit. I left him and Deepak left me!" I said in vain
"Anyway, what else did he say?"
"Well, He was saying to me..." Mitali paused again
"Can anybody forget their first love? I don't know but in my case, I'll cherish it for lifetime"
"Hmm.." I mumbled
There was silence for a minute until she broke the ice and said,
"Aasha, do you really love Shaurya?"
"Be honest with me" Mitali said
"Seriously? What kind of question is that?" I asked in disbelief.
"Are you done pretending?"
"I need an answer!" Mitali snapped
"No" I said
"Then why did you propose him and ruin all the friendship you shared with him?" Mitali asked
"I didn't do that purposely, Mitali!"
"I got carried away with my feelings" I said
"What about Ridhima?" Mitali asked
"Is something going on between her and Shaurya?"
"While I picked up the phone, she expected that it must be Shaurya so I heard her saying 'Shaurya baby' !"
"When I spoke with her, I got to know clearly that she is his girlfriend" I said
"Then I left for his home and stood outside the entrance gate while he saw me from the balcony, coincidentally and waved his hand showing that he was coming down"
"So when he came did you say anything while giving back the phone?" Mitali asked again
"Nope"
"Why? That was the perfect opportunity to solve everything between you and him !" She exclaimed
"Gosh! I haven't yet completed my sentence! listen to me for god's sake!" I argued
"Sorry! Go on" She said
"He seemed annoyed at first but I initiated the conversation and then I told him to get used to my jokes."
"Ok" She answered, listening attentively to my narration.
"I said to him that I was just kidding because it's April fool's day, he started laughing and couldn't control his laughter and said that I really am good at fooling people"
"It's absurd! are you exaggerating or was he really laughing hard?" Mitali asked
"Indeed, he was !" I said
"Somehow when the tension was lightened, then I asked him about Ridhima"
"What did he say?" She asked excitedly
"He frankly said that he loves her and that they were secretly dating each other for five months" I said
"What a surprise! I didn't knew he was dating her" Mitali said
"So did I " I gasped
"Actually.."
"What?" Mitali asked
"He told that nobody not even his brother knew about his relationship status" I said
"Whoa! That's another surprise" Mitali exclaimed
"Isn't it shocking? Because as far as I know he never hides anything from his brother"
"Ya, It's strange" I said
"So what now?" Mitali asked, feeling sad for me.
"Well, I miss Deepak and that is also the reason why I was dying to be in a relationship but he closed all doors for me saying that he doesn't feel for me that way anymore and that he can't force himself to pretend being in love" I said with disappointment.
"Guess what, you would laugh at me"
"What?" Mitali asked
"After he was done laughing, I said that now I won't be coming to college as it was our final exams so I would be busy at home" I said
"What was his reaction like?" She asked
"Nothing surprising though. At first he was like please come to college but then I told him that I hadn't prepared at all for any subject so he agreed to my decision." I said
"And then?" She asked
"Then what, I said I would meet him during exams, that's it" I said
At that moment I remembered him blushing when I teased him with Ridhima's name, tears rolled down my cheeks, Mitali came closer and hugged me, asking me what I was feeling.
"Mitali, I am glad for all the friendship and love he gave to me and that now when I know I am in a turmoil, I can't see him with somebody else even as a friend."
"Even if I might be infatuated for a while but I thank him for letting me discover my own self while love was in between the lines of my hand"
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